I just returned my car to the car rental place. After asking my mileage, the woman at the desk informed me that I put 6,901 miles on their car and she was not allowed to rent it again until they got the oil changed.
I said, "I know. It's been telling me about the oil change since Death Valley."
She said, "Wow. That's a long trip. I hope you weren't alone."
"No," I said. "My dog was with me." I am pretty sure she was asking about humans.
In 6,901 miles, I saw 19 different states and Mexico, bringing my total number of states visited to 48 and Oscar's to 22 since I adopted him in February 2012. According to the in-car tracking, I spent 130 hours behind the wheel.
I don't know what to say about the success or failure of my pilgrimage. I said that I was setting out to find the answers to life's important questions, but the best answer I have now is that the meaning of life is to live it. We've all heard this kind of cliche before, and I was kind of hoping for something a bit more clear and specific.
I talked to a lot of people who might know about what I am going through, hoping they would give me answers. I talked to a senior foreign service officer. I talked to people who came to the U.S. from other countries, including countries in southwest Asia. I talked to former expatriates. I talked to several military personnel, officers and enlisted, retired and active, including one man who lost an eye and half of his skull to an improvised explosive device in Iraq. I talked to someone from the United Nations. I talked to the spouse of a World Bank employee. I talked to government contractors who worked overseas. I talked to government civilians who worked overseas. I talked to the former bureau chief of a major overseas post for a major American newspaper. I talked to a radio DJ who just has a lot of sense. I heard a lot of very interesting stories and perspectives. I realized I do have very interesting friends.
The stories and the meaning people made from them were as different as the individuals who told the stories though. This wasn't terribly helpful from a deductive perspective. So, I considered what inductive reasoning might do for me. (And all this time, I wasn't sure what I'd do with that darn Ph.D.!) With all this variation in my "research," I started to question the social norms and values that I had subscribed to and I asked myself if these conversations could provide other ways for me to see the world. Is it an accident that I studied cultural hegemony in my academic ramblings?
One of the things I learned in Afghanistan is that Americans don't have all the answers. We often think we do, and sometimes others expect that we do. I looked at myself now and tried to figure out how this applied to me. (I also thought about U.S. foreign policy, but that's another question for another day.) For example, I had this idea that I needed a JOB. I would ask questions like, "Where will I work?" and "What will I do?" But I realized in my wandering that instead if I asked questions like, "What is my legacy?" and "How do I make a difference to others?" the answers were different.
I talked with several people about how to define success. I thought about my friends who are big corporate executives and my friends who have smart and active kids. I thought about my friends who have long marriages. I thought of my friends with big houses and expensive cars. I don't have any of that. What makes me a success? Another friend suggested that perhaps for me, success is not about a big bank account or another diploma on the wall. He recognized that while I do set goals, the goals are just guideposts as I go off on another journey...and the journey is what I enjoy. I do really like talking to people and sharing ideas. My next question to my friend was: How do I find a meaningful journey? He said, "Let it find you." That is a novel idea...and a lot less work.
One of my very helpful friends suggested that I think of myself as "retired." He didn't mean that I should take up gardening or play bridge all afternoon. Instead, he suggested that I free myself from the idea of having to work and to think instead of what I would do if I could do anything.
He suggested not only thinking of what I want to do, but how I want to do it. What if I just took a part-time job? What if I worked from home? (Wait! What? I need health insurance and a 401k and a boss and regular income and all that, don't I?) Well, wouldn't you know it, as soon as I let go of the idea of needing a job for the benefits, I found TWO respectable-sounding part-time jobs that I would consider doing, and both included benefits! (I applied to one and got a reply within an hour that sounded very promising. I will probably apply to the other one too.) As I thought about it, I considered my friends who had non-traditional jobs and still have not found themselves living under a bridge. I realized a part-time job with benefits would give me time to do other things.
This is where a sinister voice creeps in and says: "So your big discovery was that you can get a part-time job which will afford you time to go get a real job. Brilliant. Pilgrimage = success. Yes, that was sarcasm."
Ugh.
I know, all of you who are entrepreneurs are saying this is nothing new. That's what made this discovery so hard. There seems to be no universal "right" answer. Everyone seems to have different questions and answers regarding the same problem.
For now, I'm better off concerning myself about what I needed to discover and letting everyone else worry about finding their own answers for themselves. Good luck, y'all.
I am not sure that my pilgrimage gave me the "answers to life's hard questions" that I was seeking, but it seems to have opened a lot more doors for me if I can keep the sinister voices at bay. It has also given me some liberty to be okay with doing what is right for me even if it's not in accordance with society's pictures.
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